Baby Food and Potpourri

Top Chef 4, Episode 11, Part 2
War Zone

Let’s pick up where we left off….Restaurant Wars is on! But before the gauntlet is officially thrown down, we need to pick teams – and that’s when Antonia’s Quickfire advantage comes into play. She gets to pick her teammates, and wisely chooses Richard and Stephanie. That means Restaurant Wars will be a a virtual rematch of the Wedding Smackdown, as each team has lost one member since that challenge.

Dale admits he’d have picked Steph and Richard as well, so he understands Antonia’s choices. It’s actually kind of interesting to think how this all would have played out if Dale had won the Quickfirs (which he almost did!) but no time for idle speculation now…..we have a war to wage!

Okay, in this corner, weighing in with numerous challenge wins and endless potential, we have Antonia as executive chef, Steph in the front of the business and Richard in a supporting role. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Team Woodstock!

And in this corner, equipped with knives, grudges, egos and quick tempers, we have (thanks to an unfortunate coin toss) Dale in the executive chef position, Lisa as a somewhat disgruntled supporting role, and Spike running interference from the dining room. This group we’ll call Team Altamont.

(Disclaimer – guest head judge Anthony Bourdain coined these most appropriate team names. And if the phrases “guest head judge” and “Anthony Bourdain” don’t make you tremble in fear, well then, you must have packed your knives even earlier than Nimma did.)

Okay, so Team Woodstock has a modern American gastropub theme, while Team Altamont has decided to do Asian fusion. No surprise there. The teams head to the grocery store, where the only thing of notice that happens is Lisa can’t find the sticky rice she needs for her dessert. Take note – Dale’s the one who reaches up to the top shelf and hands her a bag of rice. This information may come in handy later.

Then the teams move to Pier 1 to pick out their restaurant look. Woodstock is going with “Warehouse Kitchen” (which sounds like the way my kitchen looks just about any weekday), while Altamont is “Mai Buddha” (which apparently means the décor will consist of a variety of Buddha figures. These guys are lucky they can cook, because they’d never be chosen to work on “Trading Spaces.”

Back to the kitchen. Bourdain visits and announces he will be taking Tom’s place this week. He breezes through a discussion with Woodstock, then zooms in on Altamont. They explain their dishes, and Bourdain tells them he really takes his laksa seriously. The pressure is on for Lisa, who’s making a shrimp laksa for the first course.

Insightful moment: Bourdain notes the Kitchen Warehouse is keeping the bar low, which will make it easier to clear. Mai Buddha, on the other hand, could shine – or could crash and burn – with their Asian cuisine. Anyone taking any bets on which direction they’ll take?

Surprise! Each of the teams can pick one of the four chefs last eliminated to use as a helper. Altamont chooses Jen, while Antonia picks Nikki to roll out their pasta. Both teams seem to have issues – Nikki tastes grit in Woodstock’s clams, while Dale dropped a bad avocado into his halo halo dessert, turning it a baby poop brown. Lisa is having trouble with rice, but when doesn’t she? And her team mates tell her the laksa is too smoky. (Cue the ominous music here.)

The guests arrive, and the judges – Padma, Bourdain, Ted Allen and guest judge Jose Andres of Made in Spain fame – start with Kitchen Warehouse. First course – a choice of linguine and clams with a horseradish crème fraiche or a beet and goat cheese salad – seems to go over well, especially the pasta. Second course is a choice of “lamb squared” (seared roasted loin and braised leg of lamb) or trout and cauliflower. Bourdain oohs and ahhs over the presentation of the lamb, while Ted appreciates the crunchy skin left on the fish.

The desserts sound absolutely yummy – gorgonzola cheesecake with concord grape sauce or Richard’s famous banana scallops. The judges leave Kitchen Warehouse looking very happy indeed.

Over at Mai Buddha, it’s a whole ‘nuther story. Although Padma declares her pork and pickled plum pot stickers “slamming,” Bourdain seems none too pleased with the campfire-tasting laksa. Padma also enjoys her second course selection of a braised short rib, but Bourdain says his choice – a scallop dish with butterscotch sauce, spicy eggplant and pickled long beans – is like “Willie Wonka made scallops.” Ouch.

The arguing continues in the kitchen, then Spike serves dessert. The halo halo wins faint praise, while Padma labels the sticky rice an “atrocity.” Bourdain trumps her with his call of “baby vomit with wood chips.” Oh yeah, sign me up.

Judges’ Table. Well, here’s an easy call – it’s Team Woodstock for the win. Steph gets the individual call out for her pasta and the cheesecake. She receives a culinary tour for two in Barcelona for her efforts. Go Steph!

Now the very un-Buddha-like members of Team Altamont are called in. And let the negativity begin! The décor looked cheap, the scallops looked “like a melted candy bar” and the laksa tasted like a campfire. The short rib is singled out as the highlight of the meal, but the team members can’t seem to agree who should be credited.

Then there’s the sticky rice controversy. When Bourdain shares that a diner called the mango rice dessert “baby food garnished with potpourri,” Lisa blames Dale for giving her a substitute rice that didn’t work. Dale denies his involvement (it’s on tape, bud!) and they argue amongst themselves while the judges watch this obvious display of teamwork.

In the end, though, it’s Dale who gets the “Pack your knives and go” command. Which is a shame, because he’s a talented chef. Too bad his temper was as big as his talent….and that scallops and butterscotch, though delicious separately, will never have the future that peanut butter and chocolate enjoy.

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